Sweet Bella

Sunday June 19th we had to put our sweet Bella to sleep.  It was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life.

Bella was born December 12, 2003, the same day Casey and I got back from our honeymoon.  Six weeks later we drove 4 hours to pick her out and start our first journey as a family.  Bella was our life.  She was our first baby.

She was always our sickly dog.  But lately it had just gotten worse.  She started to occasionally skip a meal then she started just not eating.  She lost a lot of weight the past few weeks but I didn't take her to the vet, probably because I didn't want to know.  So we started mixing peanut butter in with her food and of course she ate then.  I thought things would get better.

Saturday night I went to dinner with my dad then to the store to pick up stuff for Father's day dinner we were going to cook for Casey.  When we got home I called the dogs to the front yard and Beau came right out and it took Bella a minute, which is normal for her.  When she got to the garage she couldn't walk.  Her feet were sliding and she was walking like she was drunk.  We helped her out to the yard gave her some water and hoped it was just the way she had been sleeping.  It took Casey and I both to get her back in the house and lay down.  

I think at that moment Casey and I knew this might not go well.  We decided to give it the night and see how she was in the morning.  That night we spent loving on her and just making sure she was comfortable.

Sunday morning she was still the same.  This time she wasn't able to go to the bathroom because she couldn't control her legs.  As much as we didn't want to we decided it was time to call the Vet.  That was a hard phone call.

We told the girls what was happening and that it was probably going to be the last time to see Bella.  They have never been very attached to the dogs so they weren't very upset.  Emilee actually asked if we could get a new dog.  Not yet.  Lily said that God was in Bella's heart.  So sweet.

Casey and I loaded Bella in the car.  I rode in the back with her on the way there.  The vet actually said that she didn't look near as bad as he had expected.  What?!   He was thinking it was an inner ear infection that was causing her to walk like that but was also concerned that she had lost so much weight lately.

We did some blood work and Casey and I decided that if there was more than just the ear infection that we would put her down.  The vet was concerned about her liver and kidneys but those actually came back ok.  

Her blood work showed her RBC count was 16,000 and normal is above 32,000. He also said that something else showed that she was not making new RBC's.  This meant that she either had a bone marrow issue or tumors.  

Our hearts sank.  My baby was sick, really sick.  I sat on the floor with her and just held her.  It's a moment I will never be able to forget.  Actually saying the words that we were going to put her to sleep broke my heart.  

I'm not sure Casey wanted to stay in the room while it happened but I couldn't leave her.  We both stayed and I just held her.  It was so peaceful.  I will never forget feeling her fade away.

I love my first baby more that I can ever begin to explain.  She wasn't just a dog she was part of our family.  She was the first part of our family.  I really didn't think that I would take it as hard as I have been.

It's been a week and I have cried every day.  I feel like I have a whole in my heart.  I have spent a lot of extra time with Beau, pretty much spoiling him rotten.  They are only 4 months apart and I'm scared to death that something is going to happen to him.  

I love you Bella, you brought so many wonderful memories to our family.  You will be forever missed.  I miss you so much sweet girl.  Not one day will go by that I won't look out at the yard and see you sun bathing.