Sweet Bella

Sunday June 19th we had to put our sweet Bella to sleep.  It was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life.

Bella was born December 12, 2003, the same day Casey and I got back from our honeymoon.  Six weeks later we drove 4 hours to pick her out and start our first journey as a family.  Bella was our life.  She was our first baby.

She was always our sickly dog.  But lately it had just gotten worse.  She started to occasionally skip a meal then she started just not eating.  She lost a lot of weight the past few weeks but I didn't take her to the vet, probably because I didn't want to know.  So we started mixing peanut butter in with her food and of course she ate then.  I thought things would get better.

Saturday night I went to dinner with my dad then to the store to pick up stuff for Father's day dinner we were going to cook for Casey.  When we got home I called the dogs to the front yard and Beau came right out and it took Bella a minute, which is normal for her.  When she got to the garage she couldn't walk.  Her feet were sliding and she was walking like she was drunk.  We helped her out to the yard gave her some water and hoped it was just the way she had been sleeping.  It took Casey and I both to get her back in the house and lay down.  

I think at that moment Casey and I knew this might not go well.  We decided to give it the night and see how she was in the morning.  That night we spent loving on her and just making sure she was comfortable.

Sunday morning she was still the same.  This time she wasn't able to go to the bathroom because she couldn't control her legs.  As much as we didn't want to we decided it was time to call the Vet.  That was a hard phone call.

We told the girls what was happening and that it was probably going to be the last time to see Bella.  They have never been very attached to the dogs so they weren't very upset.  Emilee actually asked if we could get a new dog.  Not yet.  Lily said that God was in Bella's heart.  So sweet.

Casey and I loaded Bella in the car.  I rode in the back with her on the way there.  The vet actually said that she didn't look near as bad as he had expected.  What?!   He was thinking it was an inner ear infection that was causing her to walk like that but was also concerned that she had lost so much weight lately.

We did some blood work and Casey and I decided that if there was more than just the ear infection that we would put her down.  The vet was concerned about her liver and kidneys but those actually came back ok.  

Her blood work showed her RBC count was 16,000 and normal is above 32,000. He also said that something else showed that she was not making new RBC's.  This meant that she either had a bone marrow issue or tumors.  

Our hearts sank.  My baby was sick, really sick.  I sat on the floor with her and just held her.  It's a moment I will never be able to forget.  Actually saying the words that we were going to put her to sleep broke my heart.  

I'm not sure Casey wanted to stay in the room while it happened but I couldn't leave her.  We both stayed and I just held her.  It was so peaceful.  I will never forget feeling her fade away.

I love my first baby more that I can ever begin to explain.  She wasn't just a dog she was part of our family.  She was the first part of our family.  I really didn't think that I would take it as hard as I have been.

It's been a week and I have cried every day.  I feel like I have a whole in my heart.  I have spent a lot of extra time with Beau, pretty much spoiling him rotten.  They are only 4 months apart and I'm scared to death that something is going to happen to him.  

I love you Bella, you brought so many wonderful memories to our family.  You will be forever missed.  I miss you so much sweet girl.  Not one day will go by that I won't look out at the yard and see you sun bathing.  

Potty Training 101

Potty training sucks.  Plain and simple.  After reading everyone's success stories about the 3 day potty training, I decided to give it a shot.  Yesterday was day one.  Yesterday consisted of lots of cleaning, laundry and running to the potty.  Needless to say we had lots and lots of accidents.
Today has been a little better but she still hasn't gotten the hang of it yet.  We've made headway though.  This morning I could tell she needed to go so I kept asking her if she needed to.  She kept telling me no until she just couldn't hold it anymore.  I picked her up, ran to the bathroom tripping over 100 stuffed animals and trying to pull of her panties in the process.  We made it to the potty with a puddle in front of it and a few drips inside it.  Lily laughed the whole time I was running with her.  Apparently it was fun.  So I let her flush, we clapped for her and made it a big deal.  She was so proud of herself.  Even though she technically didn't make it we still made a big deal that she went a little.  I thought we were good so I took a break from following her all over the place.  Well that was mistake #1.  So she was playing quietly, which should have tipped me off, when she ran past the office.  I noticed her panties looked a little fuller than earlier.  Yep she had another accident.  Luckily it cleaned up easily.  Accident #3 I asked her if she needed to go and she started running for her potty.  She peed on herself the whole way, but I think she's getting the idea.  I think she just waits until the last second, like most kids do.  We got to the bathroom but it was too late.  I still made a big deal about how she new she had to go and ran.  Hopefully the rest of the day can only get better.
It's so hard potty training the second one.  I know you'd think it would be easier but for me it's not.  Emilee is my pleaser.  Potty training her was the easiest thing ever.  If it hadn't been for her daycare she would have been potty trained months before Lily was born.  I'd have her potty trained on the weekend then she'd go to school and regress.  It was really annoying.  She was so eager to do it, whereas Lily I think could care less.  Lily is definitely not a pleaser.
I'm really hoping the rest of today we can get this down because I'm so tired of being stuck at home.  I have stuff I need to go do.  I think I picked a bad week to start, but then again when is a good week?

Pictures (since I haven't posted any since before Christmas)

Em decorating her easter egg cookie

Em at her school Easter egg hunt

Lily and her animals

Not sure why she wanted me to take a picture of her teeth

Easter day

Em and her Easter outfit

1st attempt at a picture of Lily

2nd attempt

Everyone was looking for eggs except Lily.  She loved this little house.  We're definitely getting one for the summer

Sweet Em.  I can't believe how fast she's grown up

The end is nearing....insert panic here

Less than a month and I'll finally graduate. I say finally because seeing is how I've been out of high school for 11 years I should have graduated college along time ago. These past 2 years have gone by so fast, I can hardly believe it's the end. I have some amazing people in my class and I hope our friendships last through the years.

As happy as I am about being finished with school, I'm also scared to death. I have no fear of graduating, I know I'm fine there. It's the whole registry exam stuff that freaks me out. I have severe test anxiety, so much so that my Dr. gave me something to help. It helps a little but it also makes me really tired. So it's a trade off. My first test I take the week of graduation and costs $190. IF I pass that the first time then I can take my second test which is $390. That all fine and dandy if I pass them the first time!! ((Insert panic here)) My biggest fear is that I'm going to fail a test and all that money went down the drain. It's really hard for me to focus thinking of all the things that I could buy with that money. I talked to a therapist yesterday who had to take her CRT exam 3 times and her RRT 2 times. That's a grand total of $1350!!! Please God let me pass the first time.

On a positive note, the end also means that we're that much closer to moving home. I've been trying not to get too excited about it. I think that it'll all sink in once I get a job somewhere. I've been looking like crazy in the fort worth area and some in Dallas. Of course there is way more in Dallas than Fort Worth, but I'm just not willing to spend half my life driving back and forth. I miss home and I have been away for way too long.

4 months, Really?!?!

I looked at someone's blog the other day and realized that it had been 4 months since I wrote a post. It really doesn't seem that long. Needless to say things have been crazy busy around here.I graduate in May and I am completely overwhelmed. I am terrified that I'm not going to be able to pass my CRT and RRT exams. After having a few dozen panic attacks, I'm sure I'll do just fine. I got accepted into the honor's society, which for me is a HUGE accomplishment. I'm that girl in high school that barely graduated because studying wasn't important. Things have changed alot since then.

Casey found out that he wasn't going to be able to stay in recruiting so a

fter many hours of "what ifs" we decided to get out of the airforce. This was a rea

lly hard decision to come to, especially in this economy. He wasn't looking forward to going back to a job he didn't enjoy and I wasn't looking forward to moving to God knows where. So we're officially moving back to DFW!!! I'm so excited. I'm going to be moving back this summer to get a job, then I'll bring the girls down sometime at the end of summer so Em can start Kindergarten (that's another post)

. Casey's last day would be March 15, 2011 but since he has so much leave saved off he's done in December. So he will stay here until December.

The girls are doing good. Em loves school, I think she's g

oing to be that kid that always wants to be the teacher's pet. She's such a sweet little girl. Lily is talking like crazy!! I could sit and list

en to her sweet little voice all day. She's such a goof, if you've met Lily you'd understand.

Sweet Lily

Dear sweet Lily happy 2nd birthday. I still can't believe it's been 2 years. I know I say this about Emilee too but it seems like just yesterday you were born. You were the sweetest, easiest baby I have ever been around. You were/are such a cuddler and I could hold you all day long. As a baby you were so laid back, I use to say I could count on one hand how many times you cried in the past month. You were just happy to be around. You were always a good sleeper and eater, there really wasn't much that you wouldn't eat. At around 10 months a new personality came out. You became very strong willed and you knew exactly what you wanted and you'd make sure you'd get it. You were a bit of a handful. There were some days when I missed my sweet laid back baby. But sweet Lily you have turned in to the funniest 2 year old. You act silly and you can always make people laugh. You have the absolute sweetest little voice. You still have your attitude and can throw one mean fit, but you get over it pretty quick and are back to being your goofy self. Lily you have added something to my life that I never new was missing until you were born 2 years ago. You have been a great addition to our family. You adore your older sister as she does you. My hope for the two of you is that you will always be close. Always love each other and be there for each other. I love you sweet lily. Happy birthday baby.

Priceless moments with a 4 year old

Conversations with 4 year olds can drive you crazy sometimes, but tonight it was just funny.

Em: Mommy did you and Daddy buy me?

Me: No sweetie Mommy grew you in my belly, remember like I did Lily.

Em: Well how did you get me out?

Me: (This is where I'm thankful for C-sections) The Dr. cut you out of my tummy. You started off really tiny then grew and grew until it was your birthday.

Em: But Mommy when did I grow?

Me: You grew everyday and you still are growing.

Em: But Mommy I don't want to be a giant.

Me: Don't worry honey I don't think you'll grow up to be a giant. Good night.